I've spent weeks debating in my own head whether to share this story or not, as it contains the most personal content and I knew writing it would be very difficult. I'm not one to blatantly express my feelings but the last seven months have given me a lot to talk about and a lot to be grateful for. It is human nature to fear the unknown so people often avoid talking about matters of illness because they don't understand it: I ask you to read this with an open mind and not to judge anything I say until you truly understand the situation.
In January 2015 I began to get ill. For years I'd had short episodes of illness where I haven't had the energy to do anything and at first I assumed that was happening again. A few weeks into the new year and I was still ill and only just managing to get out of the house and do things like go to college and work. It started getting increasingly difficult for me to leave the house without having someone with me and after a while my attendance at college dropped to under 50% and I had to stop working. I lived under constant care where I was still able to leave the house for just over three months until i started getting much more ill and ended up staying in bed every single day.
A lot of people made comments saying I was being 'lazy' and needed to 'try harder to get better'. These people never once bothered to actually ask about my illness and assumed the only symptom i felt was tiredness. This was not the case. Over a six month period, on top of having no energy whatsoever, I lost my short-term memory, was sick on a daily basis, lost control of my limbs and found it incredibly hard to breathe. It took far too long to get a diagnosis but when it finally came it was no shock. Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) affects a lot of people and is a horrible debilitating illness with no cure. (I won't go into much details but if you want more information then I suggest reading The Spoon Theory http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ it will help you to understand my situtation much more.) My exams were coming up and due to the nature of my subjects two of those exams were purely practical and relied on me putting a lot of effort into rehearsing and performing. I managed to go into college just enough to be able to do my practical exams but not nearly to a standard I was happy with. My symptoms made it hard to focus and remember things and there is no way I would have been able to do these practical exams without the incredible support from my peers and teachers. Because of the loss of my short-term memory I could not retain enough information to sit my written exams which was a huge disappointment as I enjoyed my subjects greatly and wanted to do well. Not being able to finish the year at college was a large contributing factor in what happened next.
After 4 months of being ill I started to get depressed, which is scarily common with people who are ill. I wasn't able to do anything I loved. I couldn't play sport, see my friends, dance, or even leave the house at all. Being ill made me give up my job which I loved immensely, ruined a relationship and made me feel extremely lonely. Despite efforts from both the NHS and private organisations I was not getting any better and was beginning to lose hope in ever feeling well again. The majority of people with M.E, Fibromyalgia or other related illnesses are ill for much longer than me and some never recover. I got lucky. My family and I fell upon some research about Hypothalamitus by Doctor Mickel. This theory and it's treatment gave me my life, and health back.
After my first treatment session I played tennis for the first time in six months, I went out with friends and managed to get back to college. My mental health improved instantly and by the end of my treatment I was feeling healthier than I had felt in years. Though I will always have an underlying illness and my memory isn't yet back to how it was before, I know that I can live my life normally, without fear of getting ill again. The worst six months quickly transformed into a new and improved life and I am loving every single day. I am not going to try and forget my time being ill because I learnt so much about myself and improved as a person. It might sound weird after everything I've said but I am grateful for being ill, without it I wouldn't be as happy as I am now and I wouldn't have realised many things about my life that have gone unnoticed for too long. I've been lucky, very lucky and I am so content with my life. I have wonderful friends and I'm no longer living in fear of the future, we all have so much to look forward to and should be living every day like it is our last. It's a cliche because it's so true. I am happier than I have every been before and I certainly wouldn't be that way without everything I've had to overcome in the past year. You never know what might happen and I have learnt to appreciate this a lot so please learn from my story and live every day!
I leave you with this wonderful Whitman quote, that in my opinion sums up perfectly how to live a happy and healthy life.
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you" - Walt Whitman
